Blog

May You Have Peace!

May You Have Peace!

One thing abusers want more than anything else in the world is control. The more pathological they are, i.e., NPD, ASPD, and Machiavellian or Dark Triad, the more they stalk, the more they smear, and the more they seek control over the target. They want to control the...

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April Showers Bring May Flowers

April Showers Bring May Flowers

Happy Spring! Now is the time to plant those seeds of your growth and water them! What do I mean? I mean, now is the perfect time to; write and burn goodbye letters to your abuser, get all of the books I have recommended over the years and start reading/working them,...

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Imposter Syndrome!

Imposter Syndrome!

When we leave an abusive relationship, whether it be romantic, parental, friend, boss, coworker, or otherwise, we are often left with almost debilitating self-doubt about ourselves, our abilities, and who the heck we are in this crazy world. Why? Because abusers love...

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Valentine Hoovers

Valentine Hoovers

Ah, yes! Love is in the air! However, you just broke up with a narcissistic abuser and every fiber of your being either wants them back or, wants to start dating immediately to ease the loneliness. Let me explain why both of those options are exceedingly bad and...

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Future Faking

Future Faking

Congratulations you made it through the majority of the Hoover Season! We are, however, not out of the woods yet! That’s right! The dreaded Valentine’s Day is a little over a month away and trust me, the hoovers are not over yet! Instead of walking down memory lane,...

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Tis the season……for depression?

Tis the season……for depression?

Well, yes. Unfortunately. When we come out of an abusive romantic relationship, or we finally go no contact with our abusive parents, or we leave that dream job because we were being bullied and our ideas stolen, the holiday season (which is also the Hoover season)...

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Saying “No” is necessary

Saying “No” is necessary

Many abuse survivors have an incredibly hard time saying “No”. Why? Because either because of our family of origin or because of spending years with an abusive romantic partner or spending years in an abusive work environment we have learned that the word “no” equals...

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Tis the season for the hoover

Tis the season for the hoover

Yes, the hoover. October is not just for Halloween. This time of year from now until mid February you will get all kinds of hoovers from narcissistic or disordered family, friends and exes. The hoovers will be everything from the “Let’s take a walk down memory lane...

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Is Forgiveness Mandatory?

Is Forgiveness Mandatory?

A lot of survivors of abuse often get pressured from either the abuser themselves or flying monkeys to “forgive” them. Ahem. In short, no! You do not have to “forgive” your abuser. What an abuser means by forgiving them is they want you to “forgive AND forget”...

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If Their Lips Are Moving, They Are Lying!

If Their Lips Are Moving, They Are Lying!

Abusers lie, whether they be malignant narcissists or malignant borderlines or co morbid with each other. All cluster B personality disordered abusers lie. They lie often. They lie convincingly and they often believe their own lies. Targets of abuse fall for the lies...

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