Am I The Narcissist?

You would not believe, (or maybe you would!) how many times I get asked that. Please put
your mind at ease…if you are worried about being the narcissist or the abuser I can pretty much
guarantee that you are not! Abusers and narcissists in particular do not care if they are
narcissistic or if they are harming people. Healthy people care and do not want to be narcissistic
or harming people. One of the reasons people think they are narcissistic, or an abuser is
because they have picked up behaviors from either the family of origin or a romantic partner
that they recognize as not healthy. It is normal to pick up behaviors from people we are around
a lot, hence healthy people pick up healthy behaviors and people who are around unhealthy
disordered people pick up unhealthy, disordered behaviors. Also, there is such a thing as
“reactive” abuse which is not really abuse but reacting to the abuse in kind. So, for example if
your abuser is just pushing your buttons and you finally explode at them, they will tell anyone
who will listen that you are the rager and the abuser, when, in fact, they are the ones doing the
abuse. Disordered abusers do play the victim and will do whatever it takes to make their target
of abuse look like the “bad” one, up to and including pushing buttons and recording their
partner when they finally explode. If you recognize yourself in any of this, please get out of the
relationship and into the office of a qualified trauma therapist. Work on self-esteem and
boundaries and realize that abusers do not seek help, nor do they ever change. The fact that
you are worried about being a narcissist means you aren’t!