Disordered Step Parents

You’ve divorced and ironed out a custody agreement. Before the ink has dried, your ex
has remarried. The person they married has decided that you are the Anti-Christ, and
their job is to erase and punish you and your children. They have a personality disorder
just like the ex…or worse than the ex.
Abusers marry a “normal” person they can drain the life out of, or they go the polar
opposite route and get involved with a bigger narcissist (Dark Triad), a minor narcissist
(think fawning flying monkey), or a person with untreated Borderline Personality
Disorder. All will try to make you and your children the problem in their life. Worse, they
will test the boundaries to see how much “almost abuse” or actual abuse they can do
before being caught.
They will want to “discipline” your child, and by that, I mean spank, scream at, withhold
food, etc. Or they will try to “replace” you as the mom or dad, insisting that your child
call them “mom” or “dad,” doing things with your child that you had planned to do with
them, usurping your role as a parent. So, what can you do?
You make it very clear in the divorce decree that any future boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse
will absolutely have no role in “disciplining” your child. You make a point of checking
with the kids that they are being fed and have free access to food and water when they
are over at the ex’s house. You keep that line of communication open with your kids so
that even when they ex tells them not to tell you about something, they tell you anyway.
You do not share important plans with the new spouse if you think they will try to do
them “first”.