Intermittent Positive Reward Withdrawal

Congratulations! You’ve left the abusive relationship! Now, you are starting to have post acute withdrawal symptoms just like when someone…...

Congratulations! You’ve left the abusive relationship! Now, you are starting to have post acute withdrawal symptoms just like when someone stops using drugs or alcohol. Our brains have been conditioned by the intermittent positive rewards that the abuser would bestow upon us to live for those emotional highs when the abuser was actually kind or nice. It was a roller coaster of ups and downs. The highs were amazing and the lows were awful. When we leave that kind of relationship, we go through withdrawals. Our brain is wanting to know where those endorphins, norepinephrine, serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline went. In the immediate aftermath of leaving the relationship we will think constantly of the abuser, we will have dreams of the abuser. No, that is NOT a sign to go back to the abuser. Your brain is trying to recreate the highs from when the abuser was “nice”. What can you do to overcome the effects of trauma bonding? Yes, intermittent positive rewards IS trauma bonding. So, what to do? You get with a damn good trauma therapist. You write down every rotten thing your abuser ever did and you read that list anytime your brain tries to take you for a trip down “memory lane”. You work on self esteem, boundaries, deal breakers, positive affirmations, meditation, you educate yourself on abuse and abusers. You gird your loins for the inevitable hoover. Eventually, your brain will adjust to the healthy self esteem and self worth and stop bringing the abuser up. As you heal from the intermittent positive rewards/trauma bonding, you must practice self care like a boss! Eat healthy food! Rest! Exercise! Start doing the things you used to love doing before you were in the abusive relationship. You must be gentle with you!

Communal (Cult) Narcissists

Communal (Cult) Narcissists

Communal narcissists are ones who use religious teachings to gather people to them and, once the people have been gathered, to abuse the living crap out of them, even to the point of death. It makes no sense, to a sane person, that the narcissist wants their followers...

04-02-2023 Examples of Control

04-02-2023 Examples of Control

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses coercive control, what it is, what to watch for and how not to play!

03-26-2023 Chaos and Drama

03-26-2023 Chaos and Drama

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses why abusers tend to create, nay, need chaos and drama!