We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez

12-04-2022 Medical Events, Stuff and Things
In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses medical trauma and how to cope with that, along with how to handle arrogant and/or narcissistic medical staff. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

Hello and welcome to We Need to Talk with Kris Godinez podcast. I’m your host Kris Godinez, licensed professional counselor. I help people get out of, and stay out of, toxic relationships. This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only the views and opinions stated herein are mine and mine alone. They do not represent the ACA, the APA or any other therapist for that matter.

I want to thank my sponsor betterhelp.com. They are an online therapy company. Whether you are in the US or international. They will set you up with a qualified licensed therapist. PhD level or Master’s level. If you are interested in more information, go to betterhelp.com/krisgodinez.

Hi, guys, today’s current event, Merriam Webster, declared “gaslighting” the word of the year and I’m thrilled because this means that the education is getting out, which is phenomenal, but I don’t want the true meaning of the word gaslighting to be lost. Gaslighting should be a blaring red flag that shouldn’t be ignored, like a siren going off like tornado is incoming, you know, that kind of thing. It’s been kind of to simply explain it, people say oh, it’s lying. Well, it’s more than lying. Gaslighting is intentionally lying and changing the history, rewriting the history in order to confuse the target of abuse in order to make the target of abuse question their reality. That’s what gaslighting is. It’s based on the play in the movie, where the bad guy would, you know, use the gaslight up in the attic to try to find the treasure; he married this woman he was going to steal her family fortune from her. And so, the gaslights in the lower parts of the house would keep changing. And he kept saying, Oh, no, that nothing’s changing. You’re not seeing that that’s not happening. You’re crazy. Sound familiar? So, the real meaning of the outside who’s not just lying. It’s lying with the absolute intent of warping the target’s perception of reality. So, I’m thrilled, on one hand, that it’s finally out there. It is now the word of the year, which means Merriam Webster, which means that it’s being used a lot of people are recognizing it. And though we’ve got to understand that if somebody is gaslighting, they are trying to intentionally change the perception of the person they are lying to. So, it’s more than just, it’s more than just lying. It’s with the intent of causing the person absolute confusion. It’s with the intent of causing the person to question their own reality question their own perception. So, keep the education up, guys, keep sharing the videos, keep sharing, keep sharing and keep, keep talking about it. Because it’s working. It’s working, people are learning, people are learning and that’s what we need. So, we need to have all of the words involved with domestic violence be known, right? So that it’s no longer this hidden thing that we don’t talk about. We don’t mention we don’t want to ever. So, I’m thrilled that Merriam-Webster made gaslighting the word of the year. I just don’t want the actual deep meaning of it to be lost. It’s more than just lying. It is lying with the intent of changing the target of abuse’s perception of reality. That’s what gaslighting is. So, continue to educate guys continue to share, continue to educate, and call it out when you see it. You know, call it out. If you see it in public spots, call it out. You know, if you see it in politicians, call it out. If you see it in your everyday stuff, call it out. No more of this stuff. The problem is, is that the abusive behavior has become normalized, and that’s not okay. We never want to normalize abusive behavior that cannot be the norm because once that becomes the norm, then it’s like free for all; you know what I’m saying? So, when we are able to call it out and make it unacceptable, make it unacceptable to treat people the way narcissists treat people, the way that abusers treat people. That’s a very good thing. So, this, to me, is a step in the absolute right direction. So, they Merriam Webster, or so, yeah, so keep educating, keep sharing, keep doing whatever it is you guys are doing because it’s working. It’s working, and I’m thrilled. So anyway, there it is.

All right. So medical trauma. So, I’ve gotten this one a couple of times from listeners that have said can you do something medical trauma. All right. So medical trauma is created when we are in a situation under the care, loving care sometimes of narcissists who are doctors. And we have a life-threatening event. And it’s a medical procedure and we get PTSD from it. So, remember, trauma. PTSD comes from trauma. And it doesn’t matter what the trauma is, it can be anything, it can be a medical event, it could be an accident, it could be witnessing an accident, it could be from having somebody be in the hospital, you can also be traumatized by that. So, trauma, medical trauma is more likely to occur if the person has had verbal, physical or mental abuse prior to the medical trauma, okay? And or if the person experiencing the medical trauma was very little when they went into the hospital or whatever.

So, in cases, say, for example, the child has something that forces them to be separated from their parents, their caregivers, and they’re in the hospital, that’s traumatic to a kid. And it drives me crazy when I hear doctors, nurses, not so much a lot these days. But when I was a younger person, they would say, oh, they’re too young. They don’t remember. Kids can remember guys, if they can’t remember cognitively, they are going to remember body-wise, remember, the body keeps score, we remember things physically. So medical trauma is going through a medical procedure or having a very traumatic event happened, that involves doctors, nurses, etc, etc, etc.

And it’s PTSD. And so just like, Okay, so for example, how many people hate going to the dentist? Okay, if you talk to them, if you talk to people that hate going to the dentist, the number one reason why is because they’ve had a very, very bad traumatic experience with a dentist. So, it was either painful or the dentist was rough with them or, you know, something like that. That’s all trauma. You’re not crazy. That’s all trauma. You know, so, okay, I wanted to talk specifically about, okay, medical trauma effects treatments and how to cope.

This is on choosing therapy.com Oh, yeah, I can make it bigger. That’s awesome. Okay, medical trauma is a form of psychological trauma resulting from medical diagnosis or intervention. The resulting symptoms can include post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, and disrupted sleep. Through acknowledgment and acceptance and with the proper treatment from a mental health care professional one, that’s not a narcissist, thank you very much. Most people can manage their symptoms and experience a full recovery from this kind of trauma. So basically, the big thing is you acknowledge it, you acknowledge it, it’s like, oh, hell, yeah. I don’t like going to the doctor, or I don’t like hospitals, or I don’t like whatever and think about it. What would cause that kind of trauma? Well, if you’re a little, little, little one, and even if you’re not a little, a little, little one, and you’re just a normal, you know, adult, you have no control. Power has been taken away from you. If you’re having to have an emergency surgery, you got no say in this, you know, and so your life is literally in the hands of total strangers, that stressful, just a tich, you know what I’m saying? So, it makes perfect sense. Couple that with the fact that there are a lot of medical professionals out there that have no business being in my profession or in the medical profession. So, because they’re, they’re narcissists. They’re abusers, and we’re going to get to how to deal with those kinds of Jack wagons.

Recovery from trauma of any kind can be a challenge, but you don’t have to do it alone. So again, you can call betterhelp.com/KrisGodinez, find a good trauma therapist, find somebody who is trauma-informed. And I want to be clear, I’ve had a couple of clients, potential clients, that think that trauma therapy is immediate, that it’s going to fix everything this second, it’s not, it’s not trauma is going to be a life-long thing, it’s always going to be there.

Kris Godinez  09:23

It’s not just going to magically disappear, it will lessen it will not be as intense, you’ll have better coping skills, that kind of thing. But it’s not like you’re going to go to therapy once or do an EMDR session once and magic pill, boom, everything’s done. And a lot of people, especially younger people, think somehow that EMDR or CBT, or whatever I do CBT that somehow, they’re going to go to one session, and it’s going to fix all the problems. That is not the way the world works. Trust me. If it did, I’d be retired, and I’d be running a bed and breakfast somewhere on a beach. So, you want to give yourself time If, and you also want to talk to your therapist and let them know what your expectations are so that they can bring you to reality. Or they can say, hey, here’s how it’s going to go. What are you, you know, what are you hoping to get out of this? That’s always what I tell people. It’s like, if you’re looking for a therapist, you know, make sure that the therapist is asking you, what do you hope to get out of therapy? What are you looking for so that I can help you get to that goal.

So okay, so medical, medical trauma, no different than any other trauma in that it’s still PTSD, anxiety, depression, okay. Yes, you can develop PTSD from medical trauma. They occur between five to 63% of ICU survivors. In one report, about one to five patients in the ICU have some level of PTSD. Again, it’s out of your control. You’ve got all of these people that are total strangers, poking and prodding you and putting things down your throat and oxygen and everything else. So yeah, it’s going to cause PTSD and especially if there’s been abuse in your childhood. And you’re, again, being poked, and prod and things like that it’s going to exacerbate the PTSD that’s already there. So, studies show that the risk factors of PTSD in patients in the ICU include pre-ICU anxiety or depressive disorders, sedation, and physical restraint. Yeah, because you’re, again, out of control, a recall of an ICU nightmares and psychotic experiences. The risk factors are applicable to other hospital settings as well. Signs of PTSD after medical trauma persistent intrusive thoughts or memories of aspects of the medical event, replaying the memory of getting the diagnosis or replaying the memory of the surgery, or replaying the memory of whatever event caused the PTSD. significant distress when confronted with reminders of the medical trauma, including medical appointments, absolutely. disruptions in treatment adherence due to trauma-related avoidance, overutilization of health care related to hypervigilance.

So, the lasting mental health effects of medical trauma, trauma experienced as a result of medical procedures, illness, and hospital stays can have lasting effects like the developing, I’m like developing anxiety and depression when the medical condition has been successfully treated, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the mental health issues related to the trauma will also end.

So, here’s there’s…. so many layers to this. Successful treatment great. But if you’re a child, in a hospital setting, and you had, like, something that was life-threatening, or you had something where you had to be immobilized, or you had something, and it was successfully treated, that’s great. But if you had trauma about that particular event, that’s still going to carry through because, remember, cognitively, kids don’t know how to cope with that kind of fear. And that kind of stress, especially if they’re little ones, you know, and I’ve had cases where the client has had to go into the hospital as a little one. And either the parents just didn’t visit, or the staff told them not to visit, which I can’t imagine a good doctor doing that. But you know, in that causes trauma for a child, it causes a be intimate, it feels like they’re being abandoned by their closest family. And they don’t know how to cope with that kind of fear. They don’t understand what’s going on, they don’t get it, you know, and, and if they’ve also got health care staff that is on the spectrum here, and I don’t mean the autism spectrum, I mean, the Narcissus spectrum, that doesn’t make it very easy for them. So, because you’ve got nurses or doctors that are being mean, bullying, and not helping if the child is crying, or if the child is upset or whatever, and so that causes that’s like double yay, double the trauma. So not only do you have the medical stuff going on, but you’re being abused by a narcissistic nurse or a narcissistic doctor or whatever, and that’s just not okay, not okay. We’re going to get to how to deal with those people in just a moment. Hold on make it back to this article.

Um, okay, those who experience medical trauma may also develop PTSD, anxiety, depression, complicated grief, and somatic complaints. So, in other words, very concerned about the body, very concerned about what’s going on, and that, that’s common. Symptoms and responses to medical trauma are comparable with other types of physical trauma, like being in an automobile crash or experiencing physical abuse. The anxiety and depression Association of America ADA says that the difference between PTSD and the experience of trauma that is a traumatic event is time-based. Well, PTSD is a longer-term condition. And we’re one continues to re-experience the events and have flashbacks. So yeah, absolutely, you can have flashbacks, having had medical trauma.

Now something else that clients have reported to me. Now here in ours, you know, validating the medical trauma, now we’re going to slide into dealing with the providers that are jerks. Um, something else that clients have reported to me was being abused physically while they were under the care of a nurse, a physician, etc. So, what can you do? And here’s the thing I want to make very clear. Remember, abusers, no matter who they are, they go after the people that they think they can intimidate. And that they think they can abuse. And remember, we have no more meaning to them than this pencil. We are objects to them. So um, if you are dealing with a let me find that article, hang on just a second, let me get rid of this one. How to deal with an arrogant doctor. I love that. Okay. So, the thing of it is, talking to them is not going to do any good. So, I saw some articles that obviously did not get it that were like, oh, just talk to them? No, absolutely not. How? How much success have we ever had trying to talk logic to a narcissist? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller? You know, seriously, you’re not… you would have a deeper conversation with my backdrop. Seriously. So, if you’re dealing with an arrogant doctor, that is a red flag now, does that mean automatically that they’re necessarily bad? Hmm, maybe not. But if they’re not willing to work with you, if they’re not willing to communicate, if they’re not willing to be a human freaking being and assure you and calm you down and can help you with your fears, then this is probably not the right doctor for you, especially if you are dealing with a life-threatening situation like say, for example, cancer, or some other, you know, long term or terminal disease or possibly terminal disease. Do you see where I’m going with that? You want somebody who can be like, Hey, here’s the treatment plan. Here’s what we’re going to do, you know, you know, ask as many questions as you need to arrogant doctors don’t like to be questioned. You ever notice that? If you ask them a question, even if it’s like a reasonable one, they’re condescending as all get out. They look down at you. Like you’re an amoeba. And you, Why are you bothering me with this? Why? Well, for one thing, I’m paying your kid’s college tuition, you, Jack. So, you know what I’m saying? So, yeah, I personally, I would not stick with a doctor that was arrogant or narcissistic. Why? Well, because they don’t ever want to be wrong. You need a doctor who’s willing to go; hmm, this isn’t working. Maybe I was wrong. Let’s get a second opinion. Right? Or let’s try this other treatment or whatever. There have been these narcissistic doctors out there that, for their ego’s sake, will not refer out to a second opinion, get butthurt if you get a second opinion, you should always be able to go get a second opinion. second opinions are good means you have more eyes on it. Right? More eyes, the better. Right? So um, okay, let’s get back to this article. Um, okay. First of all, understand that this arrogant doctor would not deny he’s egotistical and would deny he was arrogant. He would also deny that he’s being a bully or has an inferiority complex. And yes, narcissists have an inferiority complex. That’s why they’re doing this upgrade. I’m quite right. Look how great I am. That kind of thing. In truth, he has developed that personality because it serves his purpose. People are so intimidated that they don’t even try to get to know him or ask questions or her, they can be female too.

Kris Godinez  19:10

He doesn’t want to be pleasant or kind because then people would discover just how inferior he or she is. Okay, um, he doesn’t want to be friendly because they don’t have emotions. Hello, um, recognize that this difficult personality… He may or may not be a good healthcare provider. I wouldn’t stay with them. I honestly wouldn’t. You need to work to discover whether this person can truly help you or not. Now, if this person really knows what they’re doing, that’s great. And you just got to know, okay, they’re arrogant. This is what they do. Personally, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t. I just I wouldn’t trust them. I don’t I don’t trust them to have their patients’ best interests at heart now. The only reason that they would is because they don’t want to be known as a doctor that kills their patients. So, I mean, there is that, but it’s kind of like lawyers who want to have the most wins in court, you know, it’s they don’t want to lose because it makes them look bad. So, all right. Ironically, their inferiority complex may work in your favor. If you have difficult illness or puzzling symptoms, he may want to prove his or her superiority and view you as a success as a health care provider. So that’s a possibility. I think that’s a very slight possibility. I don’t trust that. Communication is critical. So be sure that the doctor’s ego is not inhibiting your ability to communicate. So, like I said, a lot of these arrogant doctors and nurses, male and female, it’s not just male or female. they inhibit the patient’s ability to ask questions by getting that nasty, I’m better than you. You’re an amoeba. Why are you asking me this question? Honest to God, guys, it’s like, look, ask as many questions as you need to, and a good therapist, a good doctor, a good nurse, a good whatever, will be patient and will listen to your concerns and encourage you to ask questions and informed client and informed patient is a great client, a great patient because now they’ve got the information and they can help self soothe themselves. Does that make sense? Knowledge is power.

So, you know, because when you’re going into a medical situation, it literally it’s like going into a courtroom seriously, remember how I said the courtroom is like, a whole new world, and it’s got its own set of language and things like that. And if you have not gone through medical school, you’re not going to understand a lot of the jargon, or a lot of the shortcuts are a lot of what they’re talking about. So, ask them to explain it to you so that you understand it. It’s your right. It’s your body. It’s your right, you have the right to know what this procedure is. What do you mean, you’re going to go in through my, my belly button? What does this mean? What is laparoscopic surgery? What is that, you know, you get to ask those questions. You know, you get to ask, well, what is, what is the side effect of the anesthesia? And, you know, what can I expect? And, you know, that kind of thing. So, I mean, the best doctors are the ones that talk you through it because it is scary. It is, you know, and especially like I said, if you have a series of events where you’ve been abused in the past, maybe not medically, but then you come into a situation where this person who’s supposed to be healing you is bullying you, and that’s no bueno. And, and it’s scary to me, too, because people who have been previously abused, we get intimidated, or we you know, we do get intimidated until we get solid ground on our self-esteem. Because as soon as somebody starts talking, you know, down at us, what do we do we tend to, you know, clam up, and that inner child pops up. And we’re just like, oh, no, I better not say anything. Oh, I want to people, please. You’re not there to please that doctor. You’re not. It’s not your job. That doctor better be doing their damn job and making sure you’re okay. Seriously, so. Okay, hold on.

Let’s continue. How are we doing on time? Okay, we’re good. All right. All right. Um, if the healthcare provider is arrogant and narcissistic, they will think everything they tell you is the best answer. When it comes to answering smart questions or sharing information, you’ve learned about your condition. Know that doctor arrogant may resist the discussion, ignore you or get angry. I swear to you, if they do that, that is a red flag. Get rid of them! Find another doctor. If you run into problems with your treatment, for example, the drug that’s prescribed does not work well then make sure you state the problem as objectively as possible. An arrogant doctor may try to make it sound as if the fault lies with you, the patient. And that’s what they do. I’ve had so many clients tell me that that happens with psychiatrists. You know, it’s like somehow the patient’s fault if the drug is not working, and I’m like, no, it means you need to find a different drug you… Don’t get me started.

Recent studies and this is why I would not stick with one of those doctors. Recent studies have shown a correlation between arrogance, obnoxiousness, and medical errors. Yeah, I would definitely not stick with one of those doctors. I would find a different doctor, somebody who’s got an actual soul. That would be good. Okay, so that is the concern of dealing with medical professionals, and I use the term professionals loosely when I talk about narcissists that are allowing their ego to run the show. They’re dangerous. They’re dangerous. I’m sorry. I know correlation does not mean causation. But I think that needs more study. I do I really, because I don’t trust them. I don’t trust them. I don’t trust them. They don’t have your best interests at heart. In general, why would they have your best, your best interest at heart? Medically if they’re all ego? Does that make sense? And it is possible to find good doctors. It really is.

Okay. So, then I wanted to go to…is this the one I was looking at. Oh, yes. Okay, that’s one. Okay. So, hold on, let me, Okay, signs, your healthcare provider is a bully, refuses to answer your questions, or provide you with information about your condition. Okay, we’ve talked about that uses intimidation and manipulates you into having exams or procedures that you do not want without an explanation as to why they’re medically necessary. Never allow them to do that to you. Displays arrogant and self-righteous behavior. For example, you’re about to ask their experience or expertise. People ask me all the time, well, what’s your experience? Where did you get your training? And I’m happy to tell them, you know because that’s their right to ask that question. But with abusers, they’re like, how dare you question me? How dare you question my experience, blah, blah, blah. Lacks empathy. Clearly insulted when you ask about their experience, does not respect your need for modesty or privacy. And there’s been several dentists, and several recently there was one, it was a plastic surgeon, I think, in Florida, that was accused of sexually assaulting clients. So yeah, they’re they view us as objects. And yes, that is a possibility.

So, you always want to look at are what are the complaints? What do people say about this person are there is there anything hinky about this person speaks condescendingly toward you, handles you roughly. And that’s happened to several of my clients when they had situations where you know, it was very delicate, and the person was just, you know, jerking him around. And it’s like, that’s not okay. This is person not a thing, you know, but again, we are things to them. Okay, Mmm, hmm. Oh, yeah, this is a huge one treats the nurses and assistants poorly. That, to me is just a huge red flag. So yeah, that’s not cool. And again, this will contribute to medical trauma. Because if this person is not treating you with respect, because that’s really what it is respect and gentleness and compassion, and willing to hear your questions or your concerns, willing to communicate, if they’re not willing to do that. Don’t stay with them, find another doctor, this will all contribute to medical trauma. If you have a doctor that’s like, condescending and nasty and rough and mean, nasty, and you’re going through the scary procedure, yeah, you’re going to have PTSD, the likelihood of having PTSD, if you’d have a good medical staff, that’s kind and compassion is much less, it’s much less, you may still have it because of the procedure itself, but not to the extent that you would, if you had medical people that were just treating you like an object, you know, or being condescending or being mean or whatever.

Okay, so then the next question is, how do you deal with one of these people? What do you do if you need to file a complaint about your healthcare provider? Okay, so the first one was, okay, how to how to lodge a complaint. And it kind of depends on what the complaint is and where you want to go. The first step is to assess whether you should complain to the health care provider directly. If they’re a narcissist, I would say no, I would say no, you’re not going to go anywhere.

Kris Godinez  29:09

So, you want to you want to find out now, let’s see, where’s this article from this is very well health. And it’s how to file a complaint about your healthcare provider. Okay, so we’re to lodge a complaint. So, you want to figure out is, you know, you like your provider overall, but you have a few complaints. So, you might be able, if they’re willing to hear it, you could talk to them directly, or you could talk to the office manager or whatever. But again, if you’re dealing with a narcissist, no, you’re not going to do that. If you notice an error in your medical record, but your medical care has been good, you should bring it up with a healthcare provider and the office staff, they are highly likely to correct you to your satisfaction, so that’s good. Some office staff, though, again, narcissistic. I’ve never made a mistake in my entire life. I’m always right, blah, blah. You know, and in that case, you need to stay on them and then switch offices, even if the doctor is good if their staff is Not, you’re going to have problems. Okay, if you feel you were insulted by your health care provider, then you might be more comfortable talking to someone else on the team such as your nurse Fish’s physician assistant or another health care provider. Sometimes another person can look at things objectively and guide your healthcare provider to avoid repeating this problem with you and with other patients. If the situation bothered you so much that you don’t want to see that health care provider again, be sure to tell the office staff why you will not be using that health care provider’s services again.

On the other hand, if the insult or behavior was directed at you because of race, gender, sexual orientation, age, or religion, there are civil actions you can take, including contacting the Office for Civil Rights with the US Department of Health and Human Services. If you suspect that there may have been illegal or unethical billing practices, including fraudulent building, building up coding, and balance building, that it’s important to file an appeal with your health insurance company. If your appeal is denied. Your healthcare provider may have a patient advocate that can help you free help you free of charge. If you cannot find a resolution, you can contact your state insurance commissioner, always don’t put up with that stuff.

If medical error resulted in personal injury, hospitalization, disability, diminished quality of life or death, and it is important to report the matter to the hospital or practice manager, you will need to do so with an attorney if you’re seeking damages or planning to litigate if your health care provider was sexually inappropriate or abusive in any way, contact the State Medical Board and file a police report. I cannot stress that enough. I’ve had clients where the health care provider was absolutely inappropriate, was absolutely physically abusive. And because of the intimidation factor, they didn’t file a police report, they didn’t file a report, you’ve got to file a police report. And you’ve got to file a complaint with the state board 110%. Otherwise, these practitioners will go on and do the same abusive behavior with somebody else guarantee it, they don’t stop. Let me just be clear about that. Remember dark triads, they don’t stop. They don’t stop, you know, if they don’t get caught behaving like crazies. They’ll just continue their behavior, and it keeps upping so absolutely that is taking your power back. It’s like oh, hell, no, I’m not going to put up with this. I’m going to file a police report. And I’m going to go to the state board and I’m going to file a complaint and then I’m going to get an attorney. I’m going to sue you for malpractice. Absofreakinglutely! So that is your right. Absolutely. But again, because of the intimidation factor, we kind of think that oh, no, I shouldn’t say anything. Oh, no, I can’t do anything. Oh, no, no, you can. Absolutely you can hold on and then I will get to the questions.

How to lodge a complaint. All right. Many government and institutional authorities allow you to file a complaint directly on their websites. For others, you may need to write a letter and send it in the mail. Okay, so if you’re filing a complaint with the State Board for medical, you can do it online that they have a form, and you can write it out. But here’s the thing. Keep your concerns concise. The content should be no more than a few paragraphs written in short sentences. Be specific about your complaints. Use bulleted lists to punctuate your points remain objective, tell what happened as simply as possible rather than describing how you felt.

So, this is where we get into trouble because we have a tendency to over-describe or over whatever you got to understand; these people just want facts, figures. That’s it just like a judge facts, figures what happened, what date, what time, you know, what was the occurrence were their witnesses? That’s what they’re looking for. They’re not they’re not wanting the effect it had on you. They want facts, figures, and if there were witnesses, so yeah, absolutely. Keep it short and to the point. Tell them what action you would like to have taken and be reasonable in your expectations. For example, if your healthcare provider overbilled you, then suggesting that the healthcare provider be in jail, which makes you seem unreasonable. If you ask for a refund, you’re more likely to receive it. Leave the legalities to the authorities. Get help if you were unable to express yourself if you’re having trouble communicating what happened to you or what you want. Ask a family member or trusted friend to help you, or consider hiring a patient advocate experienced in these matters. Finally, don’t go in assuming that your efforts will be for naught. If your complaint is appropriate and appropriately directed, the chances are really good that it will be heard.

Okay. You may or may not get the satisfaction you want. That that does not mean that you shouldn’t act; hospitals’ practice managers govern Many offices and state medical boards, investigate and record complaints, even those that are not deemed actionable. These agencies know that not all complaints are fair to healthcare providers. However, when multiple complaints are received, and a pattern of behavior is established, serious action against the healthcare provider will be taken by evidencing inappropriate, illegal, or harmful behavior. You can help protect others, like I said, from experiencing the same problem you experienced. Excuse me.

Okay. So, to recap, and then we’re going to dive into the questions. medical trauma is real. And it’s more likely to occur if there’s been previous abuse, physical, mental, emotional, especially if the little one if you were little when the medical event happened. So, the way to treat that is kind of the same way with PTSD. So, you may want to get a PTSD workbook for trauma and just put it towards the, you know, the medical, this was a medical thing. It wasn’t an accident. It wasn’t, you know, it was a medical event. So, everything you’re feeling is 100% Normal, the hypervigilance, the nightmares, flashbacks, the reliving it, that comes part and parcel with PTSD; unfortunately, get with a good trauma therapist; in this case, I would suggest EMDR I think talk therapy is great in conjunction with EMDR. But I think it’s a really good idea to get an EMDR person to help you, especially if you’re having flashbacks. So that’s what I would suggest for that.

With the medical profession. You don’t have to put up with crap from anybody, and I don’t care who the hell they think they are. Because a lot of these doctors have got this God Complex, cod complex, a fish complex. They’ve got this God Complex; I can no longer talk. And they think they’re not. And they think they’re infallible, and they’re not. They’re human. And I think we forget that sometimes when we go into a scary situation, we’re looking for somebody to heal us, to fix us, to make us better. And so, we kind of hand our power over. Well, if they’re trustworthy, that’s okay. But if you’ve got one, that’s a narcissist, that’s not…. that’s dangerous, that’s dangerous. You need to make sure this person is trustworthy and good at what they do and is a good listener, and is willing to answer your questions and soothe you. medical stuff is scary. It’s scary because we’re not doctors. We’re not. We don’t know the lingo. We don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know the procedures. I mean, I know a little bit, but you know, so that whoever my doctor is better be willing to explain things to me. Because otherwise, I will be like your jerk on gone by. And that’s what we got to be willing to do. Okay, and then don’t forget, if somebody has abused you, report their hind end to the board, file a police report; if it’s physical abuse, but file report if they’ve been emotionally abusive, rough with you, etc, etc, etc. Because if they’re doing it to you, they’ll do it. Anybody. So, and we’ve got to get these people out, out damned spot out, I say of our profession, seriously. So there that is alright. Um, okay, let’s go to the questions. All right.

Kris Godinez  38:12

Let me make this bigger. Okay. Is it common for a narcissistic parent to set up abuse when the child has a serious condition? It’s like they’re waiting for you to be at a low point so that their abuse has more impact? Absolutely. They’re they have no empathy. Whatsoever. So yeah, they’ll even with adult kids, you know, like, say, for example, the adult child of a narcissist gets a diagnosis of cancer or gets a diagnosis of autoimmune disease or gets a diagnosis of something serious, right? And the narcissistic parent, they will pick that point in time to attack. Because you’re a vulnerable point, you know, you’re scared for your life, you’re scared for your health. And they will pick that point in time to just full bore, go after you fangs, bared, claws bared, etc. Because they’re predators. Think of it this way. If they’re doing that, they’re dark triad. They’re predators. They’re predators, and predators attack prey that they think they can kill easily. Lions don’t go after the strongest of the herd. They go for the elderly and the young. Okay. So, when a predator is going after an adult child, they’re attacking them when they’re vulnerable. And that’s absolutely what they do because they’re heinous. I wouldn’t even use the word human beings. They’re just heinous. So yeah, absolutely do that.

How long? Do we stand the psychological giving us wrong medical prescriptions until we fire them? Ooh, oh, that’s a good question. Okay. So, I think, honestly, it will behooves us, especially if we’re doing mental health prescriptions. So, let’s say that you’re looking for an antidepressant or an anti-anxiety, or a mood stabilizer or things like that. So, basically, in realize this is my limited knowledge of this topic, it’s a really good idea to talk through with your physician or your psychiatrist. It’s like, look, I’ve heard horror stories, I don’t want to be going on going off trying another one going on going off trying another one, you know, it’s like, what can we do now, something I do know is that you can have DNA testing done to see what medication would work with your body type. So, there’s several labs throughout the valley that do that kind of thing. So, and I don’t know throughout the country, but I’m sure there are. So that would be something to look into so that you would lessen the possibility of having to go onto a medication, see if it works, month goes by doesn’t work. Okay, let’s wean you off of that. Let’s put you on to a new one. Let’s try it for a month. Okay, let’s wean you off of that. The sad reality of it is, is that for most people that don’t get the DNA testing to see what medication works best with their bodies, that’s the way it’s done. It’s like try one try for a month see if it you know, does what it’s supposed to if it doesn’t you eat them off, you put them on another one, build it up for a month, let’s see if it’s doing what it’s supposed to okay, it’s not let’s wean them off, try another one. So, tell talk to your doctor, see if they’re open to the DNA testing so that you can get one that’s more specific to your body type and body needs. But that is kind of the way they do it. That’s why they do it that way is that, you know, well, especially before DNA tests, but you know, it’s kind of like a hit and miss. Let’s try this and see if it works. Let’s try that and see if it works. But if you’re having one that’s doing this for a really long time, like a year or more, you may want to question and or fire them or get a second opinion, you know, is it a really good idea to get a second opinion and read up honestly guys, I cannot stress the importance of educating yourself. And I don’t mean with, you know, WebMD; I mean, like get so go to the manufacturer see what the side effects are? You know, see what it what it does, see you know, what works, what doesn’t work? What do they, you know, look at journals, look at studies, look at, you know, educate yourself on the medicines you’re taking. The thing that makes me so angry is that I see like Seroquel, especially being used off-label as a sedative. I can’t even talk. sedative to help with sleep. Well, that’s great. Except that Seroquel. They said they were more talking about like, autoimmune rheumatoid oil stuff.

Kris Godinez  42:55

Oh, thank you. Currently, I’m completely on the wrong topic. Sorry, let me finish this thought and then we’ll, we’ll get to that. Okay. Systemic will used as an off-label thing, but the side effects from Seroquel is does tardive dyskinesia, which is the grimacing and that doesn’t go away. So yeah, you want to know what the side effects are? Okay.

So apparently, this question was more about Johnny say it again. It was rheumatoid. Autoimmune tumors, endocrine, neurological, rheumatology, neurological, and rheumatology. Okay. They really should not be messing around with that for very long, you may want to get a second opinion. And if you’re dealing with those different topics, you’re probably dealing with different doctors. I would think because rheumatology would be something all by itself, along with the autoimmune tumors would probably be a different doctor. So, it’s having a good care team. And if the care team is not talking to each other, that’s going to lengthen the time that they take to figure out what’s going on. So, you want to make sure that your doctors are all talking to each other. And yeah, rheumatology tumors, neurological, neurological, would definitely be a different doctor. Yeah, if they’re not, if they’re not talking to each other, and they’re not giving you an answer in a relatively timely manner. Yeah, you want to you want to look at firing them and getting a team that works together so that all of the doctors are talking to each other and talking to you. And it’s, it’s a collaborative effort. Does that make sense? So yeah, I hope that answered the question. Okay, let me go to the next one.

Okay. When they don’t care about us having important medical stuff, how do we gather strength to go to as many crazy doctors as possible until we find One that’s willing to help? I mean real stuff. Okay? When they don’t care about us having important medical stuff, okay? So again, so many parents that are narcissistic intentionally withhold medical care from their kids, dental, eyes, you know, physical, you know, it just blows my mind how many adult kids have narcissists don’t know how to take care of their teeth or have got horrible eyesight because they never were allowed to go see an eye doc or have got physical issues. Hello, we ended up with autoimmune issues because of the abuse. And they don’t allow us to go to the doctor. Well, why? Because they don’t want eyes on it. Because a doctor might ask questions like, are you being abused? That kind of thing? So, it’s not a matter of going to horrible doctors? No, no, no. Do your research. Look them up. Look at reviews, look at the board, what complaints do they have against them? Find one that’s good. You know, seriously, it’s like get look at the reviews, don’t just throw a dart at the board and hope that this one is going to be okay. You have the power to kind of sort through and figure out which one is good for what you need. And you have the right to I think that’s, that’s going to be part of the mirror work with this. It’s like, hi, good to see you. Guess what, it’s okay for you to take care of yourself medically. It’s okay for you to address the autoimmune disease, it’s okay for you to address the mental health issue, it’s okay for you to address giving yourself permission because they didn’t give us permission. They, you know, oh, go away, can you bother me and never let us work on or deal with whatever physically, mentally or emotionally was going on, because they didn’t want anybody to find out what they were doing. So basically, it’s not gathering up the strength; it’s reminding yourself you have the power, you have the power, and you have the power to do your background check on these doctors see which one is going to work the best for you who has the best review? You know, and you have the right to ask as many questions as you need to make sure that this person is on board with where you are. And I can explain to you why or why not they’re willing to work with you or why or why not. They’re willing to prescribe whatever medication you need, or whatever do you see where I’m going; it’s communication, it’s really communication, you have the right to ask as many questions as you want to, and you have the right to do the background check and make sure that they’re a good fit for you or that they have a good review, or that they don’t have a bunch of complaints against them. So, it’s like take your power back, take your power. And that’s the most important thing. No matter what you do, whether you’re looking for a therapist, or a doctor or a dentist, or anybody. Look at the reviews, look at what people are saying, you know, the best, the best reviews are word of mouth if you can find a friend that’s gotten a good doctor that really listens to them, great. Go with that one, or a dentist or, you know, whatever. So, ask as many questions as you need to. You do not need to be at the mercy of a bunch of narcissistic medical professions. It’s like look at the reviews, look at how they treat people, you know, people talk, you know, honestly, and so yeah, absolutely. That’s what I would suggest, okay. Um, and they need to be able to tell you if they can or cannot help. It drives me crazy. When somebody finally goes to a doctor after, you know, years of being afraid and the doctor doesn’t tell them why they can or cannot help and doesn’t know communication. You want somebody who can communicate. Absolutely.

Okay. Um, okay. How do we repeatedly explain to doctors that we don’t want to give our info on our sexual stuff or lack of sex when they keep intruding without raising the voice how to repeat it assertively? Okay, I’m not sure I understand the context. So, they may be asking that because I do know that some medications, like antidepressants, can cause a lack of libido so like kills your sex drive totally. Which no bueno. And that may be why they’re asking. I don’t know. So, I don’t I’m not quite sure what the context is. But generally, if a doctor is asking about your sex life or lack thereof, they’re trying to gauge how is this medication affecting you now, if they’re being a perv for wanting to know about your sex life, that’s something completely different. That would be abusive. But if they’re asking and you can ask them it’s like, what is this in regard to can you tell me why this is important for you to know? You? I have to say that you do. So, if it’s in regard to a medication that you’re taking, they may be trying to gauge whether this is affecting you badly. Because let’s face it when you take a medication, and it affects your sex life, or it affects your weight gain, because a lot of depressants, especially, tend to create waking, and that affects you that affects your well-being, it affects your health, it affects other things. So, again, sex life is no different; you should have a healthy sex life. And if it’s a medication that’s impacting that, then you know, they need to know if that makes sense. But like I said, if they’re not explaining to you why they need to know, then yeah, I can understand why you’d be upset because it’d be kind of like, why are you asking me this? You know, so you may want to ask them, just, you know, like, Okay, what, why do you need to know what, what is this in regard to? You know, you have the right. And if they cop the attitude, that tells you everything you need to know; if they cop an attitude, they don’t want to tell you, I Okay, we’re done. You know. So, a doctor should be able to say, well, I’m asking because I’m concerned about this particular medication, or I want to make sure that you’re healthy, or you know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know why they’re asking. But that would be my guess if it has to do with medication or if they’re asking you about another, you know, overall health kind of thing. So. So there that is, but ask them why they’re asking, and you have a right to, and if they can’t give you an answer, then you don’t have to answer, and you don’t have to answer, period. But, you know, it’s that’s kind of what I would suggest. What they said they didn’t, they meant just intruding, pretending I’m a lesbian or stupid if I don’t talk sex, I’m related to medical stuff or any medication.

Kris Godinez  51:46

Oh, it’s unrelated to any medical stuff. Oh, get rid of get rid of them. If they’re, if they’re condescending, if they’re making assumptions about your sexuality, if they’re inappropriate in any way, shape, or form, it has nothing to do with medical stuff has nothing to do. Ah, you can find a different doctor. Absolutely. Because the thing of it is, is yelling out that is not going to do any good. Because if they’re narcissists, they’re getting off on this. Remember your anger, your sadness, your tears are delicious to abusers. So, if you’re getting upset, they’re getting off on it. So, if that’s the case, then just be done. Get a different provider; get one that’s communicative, that tells you things and is not condescending or making assumptions about your sexualities. None of their damn business. So, there you go. All right. Um, okay.

Thank you, Johnny. Um, when we’re real sick and in huge pain, and they keep pushing us how to say please don’t push my body I’m in pain. Ambulance emergency doctors’ offices. Who, okay, so they’re palpitating you. They’re trying to assess where the pain is. And they keep pushing when we’re real sick and in huge pain, and they keep pushing us how to say please don’t push my body, I’m in pain. Okay, well, I do know that they palpitate to see what’s going on, you know, so they’ll, they’ll palpitate the stomach or whatever area to try to figure out what’s causing the problem. The best thing to do is to just say, that really hurts. Please stop. You know, like, I can’t take it; it’s too much, you know, that kind of thing. In emergencies, though, they’re going to they’re probably going to do what they’re going to do. The sad thing of it is, is I have known, again, narcissists, psychopaths are in positions of power, and they are attracted to EMTs you know, being an EMT, being a paramedic, being, you know, doctor, nurse, physician’s assistant, etc. So, when you’re in an emergency, though, and you’re in real pain, and they’re palpitating you you’re just going to have to say, that really hurts. Please stop. And other than that, again, that’s that powerless thing, isn’t it? And if you’re dealing with psychopaths, they’ll just keep going. So, stories I could tell you would definitely shock you or maybe not, I don’t know. There are EMTs out there that are saying us Absolutely. There are doctors out there that are saying this because, remember, dark trads tend to be sadists, so all you can do is vocalize your concern, and if you feel the need to file a complaint, you know and that’s really pretty much all that can be done. Okay, let’s see, I think was that it was maybe it says something about they had trouble walking and they were pushing them because they were disabled.

Kris Godinez  54:53

So, it says okay, with John’s trying to give me more information, hang on. I really need to push your body when you’re having trouble walking because they Don’t like disabled people. Oh, so they’re discriminatory towards disabled people. If they’re a medical profession you report them, you absolutely that’s an ACLU thing that is a civil liberties thing. And that’s a discriminatory thing. So yeah, if they’re pushing you because they’re condescending towards people who have disabilities and absolutely you file a complaint Absofreakinglutely they’re not going to change, say talking to them is not going to do any good. But if you file a complaint, that’ll hopefully stop that behavior or at least there will be more eyes on it. So okay, so there is that. I hope that helped.

So, you don’t have to put up with condescending behavior from these people you don’t. If they’re being rude to you, if they’re being abusive if they’re condescending, if they’re putting you down, if they’re not listening to you, get a different provider. Absolutely, because you don’t have to put up with that. If you are having medical trauma from a procedure, get with a good trauma therapist do EMDR. That’s probably going to be the most helpful in combination with CBT. And be gentle with you. This is common. This is not, you know, you’re not weird. This is common, especially if there’s been previous abuse in your past prior to the medical stuff. So, it’s more likely to happen if we’ve had other abuse in our past. So, excuse me, so just gentle with you. Remember to do the mirror work on self-esteem, you have the right to say no. You have the right to fire a doctor you have the right to get a second opinion. You have the right to take your power back and read up on the medications that they may be talking about putting you on. You have the right to know the side effects. I mean, that’s the thing that blows my mind. I’ll talk to people. I’m like, well, did the doctor discuss with you the side effects of particularly Seroquel? No, what are the side effects? Oh my god. Tardive dyskinesia. Hello. That that should be discussed. You know, that’s something you need to be watching for. So yeah, it didn’t. A good doctor describes the side effects. A good doctor is open questions, is not condescending, is willing to hear you and hear you, hear you. That’s the big thing. This is the thing that all of us that went through abuse. Number one thing that we’ve all gone through is that we were not heard. So, it is super important that when you get with a medical professional, whether it is a counselor, a psychiatrist, a doctor, a nurse, whatever, they need to hear you and if they don’t you fire them. Absolutely. All right, kids, you guys be good. Have a great week and I’ll talk to you later. Bye.

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast. You can always listen live on YouTube every week Sunday at noon, Arizona Mountain Standard Time. And if you want to find out more or listen to other episodes, you can go to Krisgodinez.com and if you have a chance, subscribe to this show on whatever podcast app you use and let other people know about. I want to thank my sponsor betterhelp.com. They are an online therapy company. Whether you are in the US or international. They will set you up with a qualified licensed therapist. PhD level or Master’s level. If you are interested in more information, go to betterhelp.com/krisgodinez.

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