Abusers do not love. They covet. When they meet a potential target for abuse, they want what the target has, which is love, empathy, kindness, compassion. The abuser can only mimic those emotions. Abusers do not understand normal courtship. They want the relationship to move at lightning speed, to mine you for wounds, your past, things that will be used against you later. They do not understand patience. They do not understand taking time to get to know someone, because, they know, deep down inside that if you really truly know who and what they are, you will run!
What does love bombing look like? It is wooing on speed. In a normal courtship, people get to know each other slowly and build trust. They do spend time together but, not the exclusion of family and friends. They exchange normal tokens of affection. In love bombing the abusers blasts in and sweeps the other person off their feet, there is no slow and get to know. The abuser pushes the relationship to move quickly from “Hi! Nice to meet you.” To “We are boyfriend and girlfriend.” In less than two months. They text or phone the target constantly professing how the target is “my soul mate” and “we are perfect for each other” and “no one has ever made me feel the way you do” The tokens of affection are over the top wooing. Dinners out or home cooked meals every night. They demand all of your time and pout if you spend time with your family, your children, your friends or your dog. They behave just like Prince Hans in Frozen, i.e., everything you like, they like.
So, what can you do? If it seems too good to be true, it usually is. Be wary of anyone who mines you for hurts of the past, moves the relationship at lightning speed, or dominates your free time to the exclusion of free time, family, friends.
