Narcissistic Rage

If you have ever seen an abuser, a narcissist, or a dark triad not get their way, you will
more than likely have seen them rage. A narcissistic rage is a breathtaking sight to
behold and by that, I mean it can be downright terrifying if you have never seen one
before or don’t know you are dealing with a disordered person. Malignant narcissists
must have everything ALWAYS go their way. They must “win” at all costs, and when it is
clear that someone disagrees with them or that they are not going to “win,” it inflicts
narcissistic injury. Because the narcissist is unable to see the world in anything other
than black and white, they are fearful of “losing,” which sends them into an ego defense
tail spin.
Narcissists can do several or all of the following behaviors when they get narcissistic
injury. They can attempt to intimidate by raging and screaming word salad at their
intended target. They can flip the script and blame the target for their raging. They will
try F.O.G.: Fear, Obligation, Guilt. Fear is the intimidation and screaming rage;
obligation is the old “Look at all I’ve done for you! You owe me!” routine. And guilt, which
essentially is manipulatively trying to make the target responsible for the abuser’s
outburst. “You made me angry! You made me yell (hit, spit, scream) at you.
Targets of abuse will be shocked by this behavior and immediately shut down, which is
precisely what the abuser wants. Those witnessing this form of verbal abuse will try to
make themselves as small as possible so as not to attract the attention of the abuser,
and you can be sure that if this a common occurrence, the witnesses have learned not
to intervene. The narcissist must be in control and feel powerful at all times and if he or
she is not, that is when you will see the narcissistic rage in full bloom.
So, what do you do when you are the target of a narcissistic rage? First, remind yourself
that you do not have to stay and listen. Look for an exit or people you can run to,
depending on where this is occurring. If you can, stand up and walk away. Do not say
another word; just leave because they are not listening. If you cannot walk away, if they
have you trapped in a house or car, do not argue with them or try to defend yourself.
You don’t necessarily want to grey rock either, as that may enrage them more. Do not
take what lies they are screaming at you personally. This is more about them losing
control over the narrative or you than about whatever they claim you have or have not
done. Do your best to let the storm pass, get to safety as soon as possible, and call the
police if you need to, especially if they escalate to a physical attack. The domestic
violence hotline is thehotline.org.