Ruining The Holidays

Why? Why do abusers LOVE to either try to ruin the holidays or to try and hoover their exes during…...
December 2, 2020

Why? Why do abusers LOVE to either try to ruin the holidays or to try and hoover their exes during the holidays? Abusers do NOT have empathy, they do NOT feel real joy, or love, or any real emotion other than anger. When they see people having real joy, real love, real happiness they become enraged, because they cannot feel what you are feeling and it pisses them off that you have something that they do not.

Also, they cannot stand not being the center of attention. When an abuser sees someone being happy they will become vindictive and start a fight, do a pity party or create drama in order to put the attention back on them and to create the only emotion they are okay with, which is anger. They hoover exes during the holiday season because they are in desperate need of ego supply.

The chances of being successful doing a hoover of an ex increases when they can use the “walk down memory lane” and usually in that first few months of the hoover, the holidays were used to love bomb. The target of abuse then “forgets” all the bad things and becomes enthralled with the previous love bomb and the current love bomb and the target starts thinking that the abuser has changed. Nope. They are love bombing because whoever their supply was has left them and they need an ego stroke.

Abusers will hoover even decades later when they have run out of ego supply. The best way to deal with abusers any time but especially during the holidays is NO CONTACT. Do not invite them to gatherings and do not fall for the Hoover. They will intentionally set out to ruin your holiday or to hoover you back into abuse.

10-30-2022 You Are Not the UN. Stop Peace Keeping.

10-30-2022 You Are Not the UN. Stop Peace Keeping.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses how “Peace Keeping” is not only a co-dependent response, it is, in fact, a trauma response! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

November Holiday Blog

November Holiday Blog

Ah, November! The air is crisp, the holidays are coming up and you are a bundle of anxiety over how to keep your sanity with your family or ex, or both. Abusers are notorious for ruining the holidays! It doesn’t matter what holiday. Thanksgiving? They’ll ruin it!...