Ah, November! The air is crisp, the holidays are coming up and you are a bundle of anxiety over
how to keep your sanity with your family or ex, or both. Abusers are notorious for ruining the
holidays! It doesn’t matter what holiday. Thanksgiving? They’ll ruin it! Christmas? They’ll ruin it!
New Year? Trust me, they’ll find a way to ruin it. So, what can you do? Well, if you are parallel
parenting, just know that your ex will be as difficult and unreasonable as possible. Do not take
what they are doing personally as they will behave horribly to whoever is the current target.
Gird your loins and be flexible. Make sure you have people you can safely vent to. Journal.
Write and burn angry letters. DO NOT let your abuser know how upset you are with their
shenanigans as that will be narcissistic supply for them. Now, what about dealing with relatives
that are disordered? Breaking away from disordered family is never easy. However, and this is a
BIG HOWEVER, if the family makes every holiday season miserable, it is time to do something
different. You are under NO obligation (Remember F.ear. O.bligation. G.uilt. F.O.G.) to have the
holidays with them. You have the right to celebrate the holidays with healthy sane family or
friends or create your own holiday traditions and you DO NOT owe an abuser an explanation!
Nip the shenanigans in the bud and let everyone know you have prior plans. Be prepared for
manipulation, guilt tripping and arguing. Remember, you do not have to attend every argument
you are invited to. Be aware they will do and say whatever they feel they need to say to make
you be a captive audience for their ruining of the holiday. Don’t give in!
Procrastination
“Why do I procrastinate so much? What is wrong with me?” That is a question that I get asked a lot. Hello, and welcome to yet another trauma response we all have coming out of abusive relationships. Short answer? Procrastinating is a maladaptive way of having control....
