Oh June! A beautiful month that is traditionally the marriage month. I hate to say it, but, red
flags are usually flying long before the ink on the marriage license is dry. I cannot tell you the
number of horror stories where the love bombing stopped immediately after the vows and the
neglect, devalue and discard started, or worse the abuser took the wedding as an opportunity
to “hook up” with a bridesmaid or an old girlfriend almost daring someone to expose their
indiscretion/blatant abuse/betrayal. And it isn’t just a potential spouse you have to be aware
of. Let’s say you and your beloved are healthy and not disordered, but family members are. Be
aware that abusers LOVE to ruin important days, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and
especially weddings. You will see either the MIL or the mother of the bride act like it is HER
wedding, or the FIL or father of the bride will do inappropriate things like the toast and make it
all about them or how much they spent on this wedding or something inappropriate. So, what
to do? Pay attention to red flags whether they are from your beloved or your family or their
family. Make it CLEAR shenanigans will not be tolerated. You are under NO obligation to include
people you KNOW will sabotage your special day. If the family of origin, whether his or hers,
puts the “fun” in dysfunctional you would be wise to consider eloping. Yes, the ones who
wanted to cause drama will pitch a fit, but remember, this day is about you and your spouse (if
they are healthy) not about the drama seeking dysfunctional family of origin members. No is
your friend. Use it wisely, use it well, never ignore red flags.
Intermittent Positive Reward Withdrawal
Congratulations! You’ve left the abusive relationship! Now, you are starting to have post acute withdrawal symptoms just like when someone stops using drugs or alcohol. Our brains have been conditioned by the intermittent positive rewards that the abuser would bestow...
