Abusers need chaos and drama the way the rest of us need air. Drama is how they feed their
insatiable need for ego supply. Remember, speak well of them or speak ill of them, they don’t
care… as long as you speak OF them. Abusers create an unending supply of chaos and drama by
creating a “drama triangle”. A drama triangle consists of the villain (usually the ex), the victim
(usually either the new supply or the kids) and the hero (the abuser). If the abuser is a covert
narcissist they will bounce between the victim and the hero in the triangle. Let us be clear the
abuser will NEVER cast themselves in the role of villain…EVER! They will delight in using their
new supply, or the kids against you, the ex. They will engage in parental alienation, or they will
gang up with their new supply, who may be disordered themselves to harass you and make
your life a living hell, especially if you are in the middle of a custody battle with your ex. So,
what to do if you find yourself in an abuser created drama triangle game? Don’t play. I know.
Easier said than done. However, you must, for both your sanity and for the sake of your
children, stop rising to the bait with which, the abuser and his new supply chum the emotional
waters. The novel length texts and emails filled with personal attacks and recriminations are
absolutely intentional and designed to get you riled up and ready to defend yourself. Don’t. You
only respond to the parts of the incessant emails and texts that directly deal with either the kids
or the divorce settlement. Remember, you are under no obligation to attend every argument
you are invited to.
Is Forgiveness Mandatory?
A lot of survivors of abuse often get pressured from either the abuser themselves or flying monkeys to “forgive” them. Ahem. In short, no! You do not have to “forgive” your abuser. What an abuser means by forgiving them is they want you to “forgive AND forget”...
