Tis the season for the hoover

Yes, the hoover. October is not just for Halloween. This time of year from now until mid February you will…...
October 30, 2021

Yes, the hoover. October is not just for Halloween. This time of year from now until mid February you will get all kinds of hoovers from narcissistic or disordered family, friends and exes. The hoovers will be everything from the “Let’s take a walk down memory lane and relive all the good times” to “I’m in the hospital. I’m dying. I just want to see you!” to “Hey! Just thinking about you and wondering how you’re doing.” They will come in the form of phone calls (from a number you have not yet blocked, but do block it once you realize who it is) to emails and most likely texts. DO NOT fall for it! It’s a trap! (To quote Star Wars) Abusers are counting on the sentimentality of the season, the romance of fall and winter or just plain old gaslighting/guilt tripping to try to get you back into their circle of influence. Our amygdala is very susceptible to the walk down memory lane hoover, because it can’t tell the difference between past, present and future. That is why so many targets of abuse get sucked back into an abusive relationship this particular time of year. So how can you protect yourself? Write down every rotten thing they ever did to you and you keep that list somewhere where you can read it, especially if they reach out to hoover you. Abusers count on us minimizing or “forgetting” (abuse amnesia) how bad it really truly was. You must remind yourself how bad it really truly was so that you do NOT fall for their hoover. In dealing with guilt from a “I’m dying” hoover, get with your trauma therapist and work through the guilt, the fear and the obligation. FOG.

03-07-2021 THE DRAMA AND COMMUNICATION TRIANGLE

03-07-2021 THE DRAMA AND COMMUNICATION TRIANGLE

In This episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses the dreaded drama triangle (Villain, Victim, Hero) and the dreaded triangulation of communication. She goes over how to step out of both sets of dysfunctional triangles and how to stay out!

Abuse and Addictions

Abuse and Addictions

Something I have seen over and over again in my practice is that abuse and addiction go hand in hand with an abuser. Granted, we, the targets are addicted to the intermittent positive rewards, but the abusers? Oh, they have a whole slew of addictions of anything from...

Won’t You Be My Valentine Hoover?

Won’t You Be My Valentine Hoover?

Ahh, February. Spring is just around the corner, love is in the air, Valentine’s Day is nearly here and PING! A Text from your ex who you have not heard from in (fill in the blank) days, weeks, months, years declaring how they miss you and wonder how you are doing and...