Many abuse survivors have an incredibly hard time saying “No”. Why? Because either because of our family of origin or because of spending years with an abusive romantic partner or spending years in an abusive work environment we have learned that the word “no” equals...
Yes, the hoover. October is not just for Halloween. This time of year from now until mid February you will get all kinds of hoovers from narcissistic or disordered family, friends and exes. The hoovers will be everything from the “Let’s take a walk down memory lane...
A lot of survivors of abuse often get pressured from either the abuser themselves or flying monkeys to “forgive” them. Ahem. In short, no! You do not have to “forgive” your abuser. What an abuser means by forgiving them is they want you to “forgive AND forget”...
Abusers lie, whether they be malignant narcissists or malignant borderlines or co morbid with each other. All cluster B personality disordered abusers lie. They lie often. They lie convincingly and they often believe their own lies. Targets of abuse fall for the lies...
Oh June! A beautiful month that is traditionally the marriage month. I hate to say it, but, red flags are usually flying long before the ink on the marriage license is dry. I cannot tell you the number of horror stories where the love bombing stopped immediately after...
The first of May made me think of May Day, which in turn made me think of the distress call that pilots would give in WWII of “May Day, May Day, which meant they were in trouble and looking for help. One of the hardest things a survivor of abuse will ever do is take...
Congratulations! You’ve left the abusive relationship! Now, you are starting to have post acute withdrawal symptoms just like when someone stops using drugs or alcohol. Our brains have been conditioned by the intermittent positive rewards that the abuser would bestow...
Something I have seen over and over again in my practice is that abuse and addiction go hand in hand with an abuser. Granted, we, the targets are addicted to the intermittent positive rewards, but the abusers? Oh, they have a whole slew of addictions of anything from...
Ahh, February. Spring is just around the corner, love is in the air, Valentine’s Day is nearly here and PING! A Text from your ex who you have not heard from in (fill in the blank) days, weeks, months, years declaring how they miss you and wonder how you are doing and...
Why? Why do abusers LOVE to either try to ruin the holidays or to try and hoover their exes during the holidays? Abusers do NOT have empathy, they do NOT feel real joy, or love, or any real emotion other than anger.