Blog

Power and Control

Power and Control

Abusers are all about power and control. What better way to have power and control over someone than to force them in to being a parent and sharing custody? Abusers want to secure their supply so they will future fake their partner into making them believe that they...

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Am I The Narcissist?

Am I The Narcissist?

You would not believe, (or maybe you would!) how many times I get asked that. Please put your mind at ease…if you are worried about being the narcissist or the abuser I can pretty much guarantee that you are not! Abusers and narcissists in particular do not care if...

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The Drama Triangle

The Drama Triangle

Abusers need chaos and drama the way the rest of us need air. Drama is how they feed their insatiable need for ego supply. Remember, speak well of them or speak ill of them, they don’t care… as long as you speak OF them. Abusers create an unending supply of chaos and...

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May You Have Peace!

May You Have Peace!

One thing abusers want more than anything else in the world is control. The more pathological they are, i.e., NPD, ASPD, and Machiavellian or Dark Triad, the more they stalk, the more they smear, and the more they seek control over the target. They want to control the...

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April Showers Bring May Flowers

April Showers Bring May Flowers

Happy Spring! Now is the time to plant those seeds of your growth and water them! What do I mean? I mean, now is the perfect time to; write and burn goodbye letters to your abuser, get all of the books I have recommended over the years and start reading/working them,...

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Imposter Syndrome!

Imposter Syndrome!

When we leave an abusive relationship, whether it be romantic, parental, friend, boss, coworker, or otherwise, we are often left with almost debilitating self-doubt about ourselves, our abilities, and who the heck we are in this crazy world. Why? Because abusers love...

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Valentine Hoovers

Valentine Hoovers

Ah, yes! Love is in the air! However, you just broke up with a narcissistic abuser and every fiber of your being either wants them back or, wants to start dating immediately to ease the loneliness. Let me explain why both of those options are exceedingly bad and...

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Future Faking

Future Faking

Congratulations you made it through the majority of the Hoover Season! We are, however, not out of the woods yet! That’s right! The dreaded Valentine’s Day is a little over a month away and trust me, the hoovers are not over yet! Instead of walking down memory lane,...

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Tis the season……for depression?

Tis the season……for depression?

Well, yes. Unfortunately. When we come out of an abusive romantic relationship, or we finally go no contact with our abusive parents, or we leave that dream job because we were being bullied and our ideas stolen, the holiday season (which is also the Hoover season)...

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Saying “No” is necessary

Saying “No” is necessary

Many abuse survivors have an incredibly hard time saying “No”. Why? Because either because of our family of origin or because of spending years with an abusive romantic partner or spending years in an abusive work environment we have learned that the word “no” equals...

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