When we leave an abusive relationship, whether it be romantic, parental, friend, boss,
coworker, or otherwise, we are often left with almost debilitating self-doubt about ourselves,
our abilities, and who the heck we are in this crazy world. Why? Because abusers love to pull
the rug out from underneath us with gaslighting, lying, rewriting history, and the like, and
because we have been groomed to believe the abuser rather than our own gut and our own
instincts we often feel like we, the survivors are the ones who are not real. WRONG! The abuser
is the one who is a fake! They love to tell us that we are nothing without them, when in fact, we
do way better without them. The best way to overcome imposter syndrome that unnerving
feeling that you will be called out for being a fake is to remind yourself who the real fake is and
to start working on your self-esteem and your boundaries. Get practicing trusting your own gut,
your own instinct, listening to your own internal voice as opposed to the internal critic. You
have to tell the internal critic to shut the hell up and immediately replace it with the polar
opposite positive thought or message. Do mirror work where you take ownership of your own
abilities and your own talents. “Hi! Good to see you! Have a great day! You know what? You DO
know what you are doing! You are smart! You are talented! You are loved and lovable! You are
worthy of your own time, love and attention! Go have a great day!” Seriously and no that isn’t
narcissistic. That is the basis and foundation of good self-esteem! Narcissists and true imposters
scream to the world they are great. Real people don’t have to.
Is Forgiveness Mandatory?
A lot of survivors of abuse often get pressured from either the abuser themselves or flying monkeys to “forgive” them. Ahem. In short, no! You do not have to “forgive” your abuser. What an abuser means by forgiving them is they want you to “forgive AND forget”...
