Ruining The Holidays

Why? Why do abusers LOVE to either try to ruin the holidays or to try and hoover their exes during…...
December 2, 2020

Why? Why do abusers LOVE to either try to ruin the holidays or to try and hoover their exes during the holidays? Abusers do NOT have empathy, they do NOT feel real joy, or love, or any real emotion other than anger. When they see people having real joy, real love, real happiness they become enraged, because they cannot feel what you are feeling and it pisses them off that you have something that they do not.

Also, they cannot stand not being the center of attention. When an abuser sees someone being happy they will become vindictive and start a fight, do a pity party or create drama in order to put the attention back on them and to create the only emotion they are okay with, which is anger. They hoover exes during the holiday season because they are in desperate need of ego supply.

The chances of being successful doing a hoover of an ex increases when they can use the “walk down memory lane” and usually in that first few months of the hoover, the holidays were used to love bomb. The target of abuse then “forgets” all the bad things and becomes enthralled with the previous love bomb and the current love bomb and the target starts thinking that the abuser has changed. Nope. They are love bombing because whoever their supply was has left them and they need an ego stroke.

Abusers will hoover even decades later when they have run out of ego supply. The best way to deal with abusers any time but especially during the holidays is NO CONTACT. Do not invite them to gatherings and do not fall for the Hoover. They will intentionally set out to ruin your holiday or to hoover you back into abuse.

11-21-2021 Friend Frienemy Or Foe

11-21-2021 Friend Frienemy Or Foe

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez Kris discusses what true friends are and how they behave, how frienemies behave and how foes behave and how to let them go!

11-14-2021 WHEN THE PARENT IS THE ENABLER

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In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about when a parent is the enabler to the abuser, why they do it, what to do and how to heal after getting away.

Saying “No” is necessary

Saying “No” is necessary

Many abuse survivors have an incredibly hard time saying “No”. Why? Because either because of our family of origin or because of spending years with an abusive romantic partner or spending years in an abusive work environment we have learned that the word “no” equals...