Well, yes. Unfortunately. When we come out of an abusive romantic relationship, or we finally go no contact with our abusive parents, or we leave that dream job because we were being bullied and our ideas stolen, the holiday season (which is also the Hoover season) can be incredibly stressful and filled with depression. But what is non clinical depression really? Clinical depression is when the brain simply cannot produce and maintain the feel good chemicals. Situational depression is when a situation is causing us to feel blue, angry or depressed. In general situation depression often ends up really being repressed anger. Think about it. Were true emotions ever allowed in your family of origin? Were you ever allowed to be angry or did you have to hide what you were feeling? When we leave an abusive relationship and the holidays are coming up and we are still in the middle of the grief, we more than likely are dealing with anger that we were not even conscious of. Throw a nasty guilt tripping hoover or two into the mix and voila! Depression. So how can you combat not only the holiday blues but the holiday hoovers? Get into a damn good trauma therapist and work through what you are feeling. Journal. Write and burn letters addressed to those who did you wrong. Work The Self Esteem Workbook by Glen Schiraldi or CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving. DO NOT sit at home alone and for the love of God DO NOT reach out to your abuser(s)! Do look into support groups, be aware there may be predators in them but good ones weed predators out. Do look into pursuing a hobby or passion that you have not been allowed to do. Do self care!
Is Forgiveness Mandatory?
A lot of survivors of abuse often get pressured from either the abuser themselves or flying monkeys to “forgive” them. Ahem. In short, no! You do not have to “forgive” your abuser. What an abuser means by forgiving them is they want you to “forgive AND forget”...
