Ah, yes! Love is in the air! However, you just broke up with a narcissistic abuser and every fiber
of your being either wants them back or, wants to start dating immediately to ease the
loneliness. Let me explain why both of those options are exceedingly bad and dangerous
options. Now is the season of the Valentine Hoover abusers will play on the Valentine walk
down the prim rose path of memory lane and will love bomb you. If you fall for the love
bombing, the love bombing phase will be shorter than the last time and the devalue and
discard will be longer. The person you fell in love with was an illusion, they do not really exist.
The real person, is the one that used and abused you and unfortunately, if you go back, that is
the one you will have to leave all over again. The second option, jumping into dating too soon,
also guarantees disaster. If you haven’t worked on yourself, fixed your picker, had long talks
with your inner child or inner children, worked on the CPTSD you experienced with either your
family of origin or you romantic partner abuser, what in the world makes you think you will be
able to navigate online dating sites and successfully avoid getting entangled with another
disordered person. Online dating sites attract predators. If you don’t know who you are and
what you want out of life, you are sure to find a predator that will tell you who you are and
what you want. Stay single for at least a year after leaving abuse. You will need that time to
reacquaint yourself with you and remember who you truly are and what you truly want. Take
time to fall in love with yourself first.
In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about why a breakup with an abuser lingers, how we get through complicated grief and how to help yourself heal.