Ahh, February. Spring is just around the corner, love is in the air, Valentine’s Day is nearly here and PING! A Text from your ex who you have not heard from in (fill in the blank) days, weeks, months, years declaring how they miss you and wonder how you are doing and that they have changed, and oh hey, why don’t we get together for coffee? With that text and those words, warning bells and sirens and frankly, marching bands with majorettes waving massive red flags should be going on in your mind. Valentine’s Day should be called Hoover Day when abusers around the world try to make their targets take a trip down the primrose path of memory lane, which leads to hell, I will remind you. Not literal hell with demons and flames but emotional hell with abuse, verbal abuse, gaslighting and disappointment. Abusers count on abuse amnesia and minimizing the targets memory during this hoover and play on all the love bombing or what they will call “good times” you two had together. DO NOT FALL FOR IT!!!! No! They have not changed! No! They do not miss YOU but, they do miss the narcissistic supply you gave them. No! They really do not care how you are doing or what you are doing. This is a HOOVER! A ploy to get you to respond emotionally to them so they can suck you back into their orbit. They are black holes and if you go back into their orbit, the abuse will be worse than it was when you left them and you will be sucked back into the black hole of intermittent positive rewards. Do us both a favor and be your own Valentine. Love yourself unconditionally.
This week on We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about the trauma response of dissociation and unreality and pretty much normalizes that response for survivors of trauma.