Most people think the scariest thing about October is Halloween. In reality October is scary
because it is the beginning of the hoover season. Between now and right after Valentine’s Day
is when the emotional vampires attempt to feed. Abusers need constant narcissistic supply and
what better time of year to seduce a former lover back, than the holiday season? When abusers
run out of supply, they will contact old lovers, friends, etc hoping to play on the nostalgia of the
season to convince the target to give them “just one more try.” This hoover can happen literally
decades after last contact. If the target of abuse has not worked on the trauma of the
relationship and or the trauma of their family of origin, they are very much in danger of falling
for the abuser’s promise of “It will be different this time! I’ve changed!” Because that inner
child part of us wants to believe they have gotten better. Let me be incredible blunt: THEY. DO.
NOT. CHANGE!!! They don’t get better. They don’t become self-aware. They don’t take
responsibility for their actions. They simply throw out bait and see if the target will bite. You
have got to make yourself impervious to their charade. Like garlic to repel a vampire, write out
a list of why you went no contact in the first place. Write out your list of deal breakers and see
how many of your personal boundaries they crossed. No matter how tempted you are to
respond to their email, text, phone call…DON’T! It will not end well! They have already showed
you who they really are, what kind of monster they really are for your own safety, believe them
the first time! You don’t need a repeat of their past behaviors. Ingore. Block.
Is Forgiveness Mandatory?
A lot of survivors of abuse often get pressured from either the abuser themselves or flying monkeys to “forgive” them. Ahem. In short, no! You do not have to “forgive” your abuser. What an abuser means by forgiving them is they want you to “forgive AND forget”...
